apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
