I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
