i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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