he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
