So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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