So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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