Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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