bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
