just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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