just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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