ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
