i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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