Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
