the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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