I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
