My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
