weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
