My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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