A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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