Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
