Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
