no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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