i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
