You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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