She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
