There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the day after is always just damage control
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
