God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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