ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
