Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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