I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
