Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
