is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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