Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
