I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
