theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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