for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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