You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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