C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
