he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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