69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
