i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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