Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
