Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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