around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
