OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
