You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
