If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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