My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
