So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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