we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just blew my weed a kiss
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
