HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
