people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
