I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
