Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
