She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
