One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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