; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
