Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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