I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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