This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
