bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
