i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
