to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
