I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
