My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
