I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
